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Surviving the Holidays
The following is an article that was featured on Newsweek's website. To read the article on their website, please visit here.
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"The holidays can be the most stressful time of year for people with eating disorders. So many of the family gatherings throughout are focused on breaking bread or eating pie that it can be overwhelming, says Lynn Grefe, CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association. This emphasis on food can impair recovery or even trigger a relapse, so compassion and sensitivity are key to helping those with disorders navigate the holidays. A few tips:
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1. Strategize: Many people who are being treated for their eating disorders have meal plans that they can follow and feel safe about following, says Dr. Craig Johnson, director of the eating disorders program at Laureate Psychiatric Clinic & Hospital in Tulsa, Okla. Holiday dinner foods throw that off track (sometimes just having such an abundance of food can trigger bulimic episodes.) So plan ahead. Whether it's making some foods available or just making others less obvious. "Hopefully, people who have eating disorders have treatment teams that they've been able to speak with about strategies for getting through the holidays without raising the risk of relapse," he says. "Hopefully, the families have had the opportunity to be part of that strategy as well."
2. Don't Force: In many cases, eating disorders are linked to issues of control or abuse, Johnson says. Insisting that an eating-disordered family member attend the big Christmas brunch or pile on another few slices of ham can be very harmful. "It can trigger them into an oppositional and defiant stance" and enhance the negative effects of the disorder, he says. "If they're telling you that the setting is going to be uncomfortable for them, more bad things will happen as a result of trying to force them into that setting."
3. Don't Focus on the Food: Some people with eating disorders dread holiday meals so much that they'll make excuses to get out of going home at all, Grefe says. The season's focus on food and cooking means that people with diagnosed disorders feel that their eating habits will be watched closely, and people who are trying to hide disorders will be especially worried about being caught. "Don't be watching, don't be monitoring [how much they're eating]," Grefe says. "Talk to them about what's going on in the world. Don't put the eating disorder on the main platter of the table."
4. It ' s Not Personal: The rest of the family will dig in, so if you're a host or hostess, don't be offended if a particular guest has a light plate. "A lot of people just don't get it," Grefe says. "An eating disordered person isn't trying to hurt anybody. They're not eating a little bit to hurt their mother or their father." The key to making sure friends or family members with eating disorders get through the holidays without too much stress is making them feel like it's safe to come home, and that they won't be criticized, pressured or put under a microscope, she says. "All of this needs to be done with kindness and love."
Below you will find 12 Ideas to help with holiday stress. This was compiled by the NEDA and the original PDF file may be viewed here.
Twelve Ideas to Help People with Eating Disorders Negotiate the Holidays
1. Eat regularly and in some kind of reasonable pattern. Avoid "preparing for the last supper." Dont skip meals and starve in attempt to make up for what you recently ate or are about to eat. Keep a regular and moderate pattern.
2. Worry more about the size of your heart than the size of your hips!. It is the holiday season, a great time to reflect, enjoy relationships with loved ones, and most importantly a time to feel gratitude for blessings received and a time to give back through loving service to others.
3. Discuss your anticipations of the holidays with your therapist, physician, dietitian, or other members of your treatment team so that they can help you predict, prepare for, and get through any uncomfortable family interactions without self destructive coping attempts.
4. Have a well thought out game plan before you go home or invite others into your home. Know "where the exits are," where your support persons are, and how you'll know when it's time to make a brief exit and get connected with needed support.
5. Talk with loved ones about important issues: decisions, victories, challenges, fears, concerns, dreams, goals, special moments, spirituality, relationships and your feelings about them. Allow important themes to be present and allow yourself to have fun rather than rigidly focusing on food or body concerns.
6. Choose, ahead of time, someone to call if you are struggling with addictive behaviors, or with negative thoughts, or difficult emotions. Call them ahead of time and let them know of your concerns, needs, and the possibility of them receiving a call from you.
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7. If it would be a support or help to you, consider choosing one loved one to be your "reality check" with food, to either help plate up food for you, or to give you a reality check on the food portions which you dish up for yourself.
8. Write down your vision of where you would like your mind and heart to be during this holiday time with loved ones. Take time, several times per day, to find a quiet place to become in tune again with your vision, to remember, to nurture, and to center yourself into those thoughts, feelings, and actions which are congruent with your vision for yourself.
9. If you have personal goals for your time with loved ones during the holidays, focus the goals around what you would like to do. Make your goals about "doing something" rather than about trying to prevent something. If you have food goals, then make sure you also add personal emotional, spiritual, and relationship goals as well.
10. Work on being flexible in your thoughts. Learn to be flexible in guidelines for yourself, and in expectations of yourself and others. Strive to be flexible in what you can eat during the holidays. Take a holiday from self imposed criticism, rigidity, and perfectionism.
11. Stay active in your support group, or begin activity if you are currently not involved. Many support groups can be helpful. 12-step group, co-dependency group, eating disorder therapy group, neighborhood "Bunco" game group, and religious or spiritually oriented groups are examples of groups which may give real support. Isolation and withdrawal from positive support is not the right answer for getting through trying times.
12. Avoid "overstressing" and "overbooking" yourself and avoid the temptation and pattern of becoming "too busy." A lower sense of stress can decrease a felt need to go to eating disorder behaviors or other unhelpful coping strategies. Cut down on unnecessary events and obligations and leave time for relaxation, contemplation, reflection, spiritual renewal, simple service, and enjoying the small yet most important things in life. This will help you experience and enjoy a sense of gratitude and peace.
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