The Silent Suffering - Main Menu
BEFORE YOU READ MY STORY
Disclaimers, Warnings, and Info (oh my!)
Congratulations, you have stumbled upon "my story", if you will. I hope you have set aside a block of time to read this - be forewarned, I 'm a freelance writer working a lot of writing projects, so I have a fondness for detail. In fact, I consider it necessary. I hope that it will present itself with clarity and that you will be able to in some way grasp the torture of living with an eating disorder via my personal experiences.
I MUST give a word of caution to everyone who happens upon my story, especially if you have an eating disorder. The content of this account of my life with anorexia may be very triggering or graphic to you. I have tried my best to not go overboard and to leave out some disturbing details, but there are numbers and weights mentioned in this, so please consider what is best for you before reading. The details have been added to paint an accurate and descriptive portrait of eating disorders in general and to convey my personal struggle while displaying God's power. I shouldn't be alive now. Also, there are pictures included in my personal account, HOWEVER, none of them are of me at my lowest weight. I do not find those kinds of images beneficial for me to see, and I am not interested in glorifying my illness.
My intentions for creating this website and sharing my life with anyone who will listen (read?...) have not been and are never for selfish gain or self-glorification. My life is meant to be a testament of God and though I fail miserably to be all that I should, I know that He still loves me and uses my triumphs and pitfalls. Now, while you read this brief account of my life thus far (and yes, contrary to what you may think, it is very much a summary), you may be expecting to hear something like "I went on a diet to lose some weight" or that I was overweight and needed to drop a few pounds. My eating disorder was not the result of dabbling in some fad diet. Some are initially triggered by an attempt to lose weight or some other life experience, and in no way am I demeaning or downplaying the development of their illness, but please understand this eating disorders are not a disease of vanity or a way of life. I did not -I do not - 'want' my eating disorder. If you learn anything from me or from my website, I hope that it will include grasping the concept of eating disorders as serious mental disorders. Diets and society do not cause eating disorders. When it comes to pinpointing the cause of an eating disorder, it is not an easy task. It is influenced by genetics, personal triggers, ideals (both for the individual and the general public), personality, and in some ways, our society influences the severity of eating disorders. For me, my eating disorder has always been about pain, suffering, family, control, illness, fear, anxiety, society, and perfectionism. My life has certainly had its share of chaotic events. From family and all the dysfunction that accompanies that, to friendships and their drama, to school stress, to events beyond my control. Everything around me from a young age seemed so dark, and I didn't like that. A part deep within was dying to escape all that and be happy. Thus began my entrance into the world of anorexia nervosa. I didn't realize that the part dying to escape would not be set free with the eating disorder, but instead bound, stifled, buriedand nearly lost forever.
Also: I don't have a 'bad' family or 'terrible' friends, and I have no intentions of airing dirty laundry, so to speak, and I don;t think it to be very Christ-like to tear others down, so it presents a bit of a dilemma in sharing the development of my eating disorder and triggers without divulging information that others would rather not be shared, so some issues may appear to be glazed over or not mentioned at all. I believe that my story and life will speak for itself and I do not need to share some details about them and I must protect others in my life.
So, as a summary:
What you won't find
A tell-all story of scandal and family secrets (honestly, there is no scandal...just like the way that sounded, haha)
Pictures of my lowest weight
What you will find
Some mention of numbers & weight (again, read responsibly)
Details about my life and my many struggles
An ongoing journey of hope
An attempt to glorify God by telling my story
With that being said, I shall begin...
Let's see...
My name is Angela. I'm 26. I've been married for two years to an amazing guy. We have a 2 year old Yorkshire Terrier named "LuLu". She's our 'baby', if you will. I have a Bachelor's degree in Religion. I spend most of my time writing, and I 'm hoping to be published.
Interests? Writing, writing, writing! Scrapbooking, Reading, decorating, the color pink, working out, fashion/style, cleanliness, antiques, old movies, Audrey Hepburn, photography, getting mail, dancing, playing piano.
I am a Christian, and my life is dedicated to doing the Lord's will.
I love meeting new people, so feel free to contact me.
Myspace
Facebook
NOTE - If you add me on anything, make sure you send a message along with it telling me who you are or mention that you found me through this site. Otherwise you may not be added.
WHY CREATE THIS WEBSITE?
Because I have had anorexia for 20 years.
Because I have a story to tell.
Because God wants to do something through me.
Because my eating disorder has taken everything from me except my life. But it's come close to taking that, too.
Because I have a deep desire to help others who struggle and I don't want them to have to go through all that I have.
Because eating disorders are some of the most misinterpreted, misunderstood illnesses in existence.
Because even medical care professionals don't always "get it".
Because there is a dire need for education and awarness.
Because sufferers and families need support.
Because eating disorders kill.
WHY "THE SILENT SUFFERING"?
Because contrary to popular belief, eating disorders are not an affliction of the spoiled, or a disease of vanity.
Because eating disorders are not always visible to the eye. Not everyone is emaciated. Not every eating disordered person who gains weight is "recovered". You don't have to look like you have an eating disorder to have one.
Because an eating disorder is not about food, or weight.
Because eating disorders come from hurt, pain, and loss, and cause a deep, scarring torment that never fully leaves.
Because the worst pain cannot be seen. But that doesn't mean that it's not real, or that you can't feel it.
Because silence keeps us sick.
BREAK THE SILENCE!!!
To access the news article, please click on the Adobe PDF button. The file will then download.
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Healing Through Speaking Out
The Brunswick News
February 23, 2010
Acknowledgements
AngeLa
